5. Netherlands
Amster…Damn:
We took an 8 hour Mega-bus from Paris to Amsterdam because it was only 1 euro. Yes you heard that correct, one single euro to get from one country to the next. I cannot stress enough how worth it is to travel via bus if you have the time. If you want just the Run down of our 3 days in Amsterdam click here.
Day one we didn’t have much time to explore we mainly just checked into our Hostel “Hostelle” an all girls hostel which apparently makes ALL the difference. People may say girls’ bathrooms are like a horror story compared to the men’s, but let me tell you, this hostel was one of the cleanest/nicest, and full of friendly staff and other tourists. We didn’t have too many memorable interactions at the previous hostels, but this experience was much more welcoming. We exchanged stories and laughs with the other girls and it finally felt like one of those great ‘hostel experiences’ you hear about from travellers. I would highly recommend this hostel for female travellers.
Day 2: Heineken and Dildos
We started the day at the Anne Frank House which was another 2 1/2 hour line. The house itself is mostly empty, but you do get to see Anne Frank’s bedroom which I thought was really interesting because she had posters of movie stars and magazine cut outs preserved on the walls, not un-similar to today’s young girls. There is a lot of information provided along the tour and the videos are quite sad to watch. It’s something to experience while you are there, but it does leave that same feeling of somberness we had while in the trenches.
We ate lunch at the Heineken house and were waited by a very good-looking man. In fact we noticed that Amsterdam was filled with beautiful people…we could only conclude there is some special ingredient in the Heineken that makes this possible. In the evening we decided to embrace the night life and just tough out the next day’s hangover. We went to an Irish pub and it wasn’t too busy so the bartender took all our song requests. He took quite the liking to us and seemed disheartened that we didn’t want to ‘hang out’. But we are strong independent female travellers and we had a game plan: hit as many bars as we can and stroll the Red Light District. I imagined the Red Light District would be an abundance of boobs and butts, but it was surprisingly more censored then I anticipated. The windows were filled with women in lingerie, it was like barbies in boxes…except more cleavage. We went into one of the sex shops and I couldn’t believe all the strange gadgets they had. For one thing, the dildos were so massive they looked more like samurai swords…it was hard to tell if it was a toy for pleasure or a murder weapon. We opted out on the sex shows because we can handle strippers, but we weren’t mature enough to watch people fucking on stage without having a giggle fit.
Bar #2: The next pub we hit up was called the Tiger Club. The walls are covered in classic Rock icons and the bar-tender was this woman with piercings everywhere and dreadlocks who played punk music on shuffle. The beers served were literally the size of a water-melon. It was definitely a dive bar to say the least, but this is Jenna and my favourite kind of bar. I’ll take massive drinks and good music over stuffy dance floors and top40 any day.
Bar#3: I don’t recall the name of this particular bar, but I do remember every woman in there had some sort of young Justin Bieber haircut. There was not a single man in the bar, at first I didn’t think very much of it. There was terrible 80s music playing and it seemed liked we were being watched. We had this feeling that maybe it was more of a ‘regulars’ bar and they weren’t keen on tourists. We left and went back to the first bar, only to realize through our friendly server that we were at a gay bar, and it was ladies night. I always thought my first gay bar experience would involve more dancing. (Disclaimer to my LGBQT friends, Amsterdam has a HUGE gay bar scene if you are looking for fun LGBQT friendly places to party..although I don’t recommend the bar we went to, huge dive, un-friendly staff.) Looking back I wish I had looked into this ahead of time because I would have loved to see a drag show in Amsterdam.
Jamaican Pure and a Bad Trip
We were both feeling hungover from our mini-pub crawl so once we felt slightly recovered we headed out for souvenir shopping. I was set on getting my sister a nice pipe, because what stoner kid doesn’t want an authentic pipe from Amsterdam? I walked into the first shop and told the guy I need help finding a nice pipe. He replied “We have really nice crack pipes…but that doesn’t really look like your style”. They literally have cocaine displayed in the cash windows like candy. When the man cashed me out he also offered to throw in some mushrooms free of charge. Scoring drugs in Amsterdam is as easy and convenient as grocery shopping. After successfully purchasing a beautiful hand carved pipe, we went for breakfast food because in Amsterdam all day breakfast is very popular. We had delicious omelettes in a restaurant that looked onto the canals. With our bellies filled we headed to a coffee shop. Coffee shops in Amsterdam do not serve coffee. They are little pub style places where you can sit and smoke or eat edibles with friends. Although I couldn’t convince Jenna to partake, I wanted the full experience. I would hardly consider myself a frequent smoker at home, usually I find when I do there is too much stimuli so I can only sit and watch movies alone.
We went into the Bulldog and I asked the server what he would recommend for to someone who doesn’t smoke very often. He seemed faded and looked like Mystery Inc’s shaggy. He spoke slowly with a dopey grin and suggested I try the ‘Jamaican Pure”. The smallest amount you could order was 4 joints. I took one hit and somehow accidentally karate-chopped my water all over the table and onto the lady next to me. This was only the beginning of the embarrassment. I started to feel it around the fourth hit in and while I was enjoying the 90s hip hop music, there was no way in hell I was gonna smoke those 4 joints in the 24 hours we had left in Amsterdam so I gave them to the lady next to us. We stepped outside and at first I felt great. We were running to catch the subway and I was like Usain bolt. As soon as we got on the crowded subway I broke rule#1 of having a good high. I panicked. Paranoia set in and I felt like everyone on the subway knew I was baked out of my face. It was like that Edgar Allen Poe poem where he is haunted by the sound of the heartbeat, except the heartbeat was my own. I was dizzy and every minute on the 20 min subway ride felt like an hour. I stood holding the pole with my legs in wide stance and did not move. I could see Jenna rolling her eyes beside me, because it was painstakingly obvious I was losing my marbles. When we got back to the ‘Hostelle’ I went straight to bed and did not move for several hours. My anxiety was so bad that after this experience I didn’t smoke again for 3 years haha. My advice to the less seasoned smokers wanting to try this: know your limit, and if you feel really high try to pre-occupy your senses with something whether it be exploring the city or if you feel safer staying in the coffee shop til your high wares down. Definitely inquire about what you are taking! I took their weakest stuff and I freaked the fuck out, I probably would have greened out and yacked if I smoked something stronger.
The Run Down:
Where to stay: Hotselle (if you are a woman), other ones I’ve heard good things about include: The Flying Pig, Stayokay
Where to eat: Heineken restaurant, Omelegg, Greenwoods Singel, De Silveren Spiegel (we didn’t eat here but it’s very highly regarded)
Best Place to grab a quick bite/Coffee: Melly’s cookie bar, Vlaams Friteshuis Vleminckx (french fries yummm)
Nightlife: Slainte Irish Pub, Tiger Club (more for the drink sizes), The Red Light District (shows, strolling the streets, bars and restaurants), coffee shops (the bulldog are well known ones but there are many)
Sights and Excursions: Anne Frank House, Heineken Experience, Canal boat cruises, bike tours, coffee shops, (disclaimer biking in Amsterdam is like driving in North America, there are hundreds of bikers and they are intense lol), ones we didn’t have time for but are highly recommended: Van Gogh museum, Tulip museum, if you have a free day we also ran out of time but REALLY wanted to go to Giethroon (the town with no roads) for a day trip, it’s a bit of a drive but you can arrange excursions with a guide. I believe we had spoke to a guide from this site:
https://www.partner.viator.com/en/18531/tours/Amsterdam/Giethoorn-Day-Trip-from-Amsterdam/d525-39989P1?SUBPUID=